Before continuing the ITE reflections part 2, Let's talk abt my feelings after the release of the poly posting results which i totally was unsucessful in. These few days i guess i had been trying very hard to cheer myself up. It seems like it is not easy to be happy sometimes. Anyway, since i came back from Beijing, things happened which already affected my mood, for people close to me i guess they should know ,the first matter i dealt with is the L.O.V.E matter which makes me down for some time already. As this matter i am still slowly trying to accept and move on, things are quite good, moving along the time of recovery. Ok, it looks good, right? As i say, moving along the time of recovery meaning not yet recovered, right? Anyway, my mood is still quite ok still and getting better before the release of the poly posting results. Now, after the release of the results, i guess my mood is down again because firstly, the first matter have not been actually solved and the results had become another matter serious enough for me to be actually very sad. I guess 2 matters added together had led me to think that till now in my life, i had come across another of the lowest point of my life. Because after the results, I have to end my education life at ITE itself, and as i say before if i cannot enter poly this year, i won't have anymore plans to study for at least 2 or 3 years. And maybe after NS, i might not even have time to go to poly and need to start working as my father is old already by that time and mother not working due to medical problems. As the elder son in the family, i have no choice but to help my father lesser his burden on his shoulders he carried for the last 20 years. That's why i say, it is now or never. Since it is fated that, i cannot go poly. I will need to try to accept this fact and move on with my life now. I am trying very hard to accept this fact this few days but to no avail.
It is because after a while, the failure of entering poly will come back and still affect my feelings, making me in no mood to do anything. How to stabilise this feelings? I also know, need to be positive and always look forward and not back. So this few days, i watch dramas actually to try and not to think abt it. But when you come to meals' time, you tend to think also. So till now, i guess i have not succeeded in accepting the fact that i am not able to enter poly. Thus, my mood is still down. About the L.O.V.E segment, i guess i can very much affects my mood little this days. In conclusion, i can say all these matters had led me to another lowest point in my life. Seriously, all these had make me really moody this few days. Aiyah, what to do? Just maybe to cope with it till i finally get an objective for these rest of the year which is maybe getting a part-time job. I guess now time is the main factor in recovery from these two major damages done to me. Hope that i will be happy soon and to be the cheerful guy that i am.
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